Well, my car is still in the shop. I have given up trying to get someone to come to the house. So, instead of the usual post…something a little different. I’ve been talking about writing it for some time, that is, attempting to write my personal sex history—those 50+ years before I started the blog. It won’t be all at once. It might not even be in sequence. Just some snapshots from the past. I’ll just keep adding some around the usual reporting…
My family lived on my great-grandfather’s farm. It had stopped being a working farm in the
1940’s, long before my parent’s moved in at the top of the 1960’s. The farmhouse was old and drafty, built in
the 1860’s. My older brother (by 4.5
years) and I shared what was once the master bedroom upstairs. (My parents, being smart, took the smaller,
but warmer, bedroom downstairs.) The
only heat upstairs was through an open iron grate in the floor.
The grey stucco house was on six acres of land. What once were fields of corn were now mostly
high weeds. There was a small stand of
trees near the old chicken coop. A huge
maple stood in the back yard and the largest lilac bush I have ever seen grew
on the site of the old privy. But best
of all was the barn.
It was painted grey to match the house. The two family cars were able to be parked in
it, but more importantly, it served as an amazing place to play. Two creative boys could make it be
anything: a fort, a police station, a
house, a castle, whatever we could think of next. This was helped along by the hodge podge of
things stored there: tables, chairs, china, a bed under a green tarp and a huge
trunk that looked like a pirate’s chest.
(It was actually the trunk you tied on to the back of your Model T and
it currently sits in my sun porch.)
We spent hours, well, weeks, cleaning that upper
floor. And playing. And needing a bath before dinner we were so
filthy. (I still think my incredibly
robust immune system benefitted from all that dirt I inhaled.)
But the barn also held the first inkling of sex. Sometime during that cleaning, while my
brother was out at the hose getting a drink, I found a brown paper bag wedged into
a small space where the floor met the wall.
It held two paperback books. They
were porn, though I had never heard the word.
I was likely 9 years old. I
stared at them. Unbelieving. Then I heard my brother on the stairs. I shoved them back in the bag and back into their
hiding place.
“Mom wants us to clean up and help with dinner.”
I nodded and followed him into the house.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about those two
books. Were they Dad’s? They must be, I reasoned. I lay on the lower bunk of our bunk beds and
thought back to what I had seen. Now, by this point, I’d looked at a copy of
Playboy belonging to a friend’s dad, but this was different. I closed my eyes and thought of the two
covers. The first one was a young woman running
naked on a beach being chased by a naked man, ass shots of both. The second was racier: a woman in garters and
hose, with a black lace bra showing off for a half-naked hunk on the bed—all while
another man was behind the head board snapping photos of her seduction of the
guy.
Did my prepubescent dick get hard? Probably.
I knew I had to go look at them again.
I did, of course. Carefully. Never sharing with my brother what I had
found. But I didn’t think to actually
read them for almost a year.
But that summer held another surprise. Just before we were headed back to school, my
brother announced that a guy he knew was coming over. I vaguely knew him, too; his younger brother
was in my class (and the source of the Playboy.) What was different, was that my brother said
they’d be upstairs in the barn—and I was to stay out—and should go play in the
house.
What!?! I couldn’t
believe it. But I did what he told me to
do. I lasted maybe 30 minutes until the pull back
to the barn was too strong. I wanted to know
what was going on. I’m not even sure what
I thought was going on; I just hated being excluded. I went quietly in the big front door. The sliding door to the stairs was partially
closed, but my skinny body could slip between the door and the frame with no
problem. I paused on the first step. I listened.
I heard murmuring.
I heard the guy laugh. Then my brother
did, too. More low sounds.
I started up the steps. Softly.
Like a cat. But I hit the step
that was cracked and it squeaked loudly.
“Don’t come up here!”
My brother’s voice was loud.
I froze on the step.
“I just wanted…”
“Go inside,” he said firmly.
I turned and went down.
I heard the bed squeak, the noise the springs always
made when we sat on it. What were they
doing? And why couldn’t I join in? Now they were laughing as I shut the sliding
door. I went into the backyard, climbed
the huge maple tree and felt sorry for myself.
The next day, the sliding door in the barn now had a
lock on it from the inside.
Many years later, when I was no longer the pesky,
inquisitive kid brother, I asked my sibling what they were doing upstairs. He was indeed getting his first blow job that
day from his friend. Something that at
the time I didn’t even know what it was…
Here we are a little younger.
I have always loved this picture.
The hero worship in my eyes.
He was and is a great mentor.


